hurtful

Because, as you said, the money is annoying, but the mindset your “friend” holds is the more hurtful piece of this.

“Our babies sometimes say hurtful things,” she said.

Asked whether he had perhaps said things to fellow pupils that he had not intended to be hurtful or racist, but they took it that way, he said: "I hope not."

The last few weeks have been particularly hurtful, she said, when she sees commenters on social media deriding food stamp recipients as “lazy.”

I think that assuming can be hurtful too.