18 Fatherhood Quotes That Might As Well Be Dad Jokes

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

– Stephen Colbert, I Am America

“Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.”

– John Wilmot

“Saturday mornings, I’ve learned, are a great opportunity for kids to sneak into your bed, fall back asleep, and kick you in the face.”

– Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing

“I know, from the three visits I made to him, the blended composite of love and fear that exists only in a boy's notion of his father.”

– Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

“He promised us that everything would be okay. I was a child, but I knew that everything would not be okay. That did not make my father a liar. It made him my father.”

– Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

"Oh, Phillip when you smile I am undone, my son...Look at my son...Pride is not the word I'm looking for...There is so much more inside me now"

– Lin-Manuel Miranda

“A man who is not a father to his children can never be a real man.”

– Mario Puzo, The Godfather

“He wipes tears off my face and then snot. He uses his hands. He loves me that much.”

– Nina LaCour, Hold Still

"One of my hardest jobs as a father, one of my greatest duties, was to realize that my own dreams, my own goals and wishes, are secondary to my children's.”

– Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

“You can't love your mother or father if you don't also have the capacity to grieve their deaths and, perhaps even more so, grieve parts of their lives.”

– Glenn Beck, The 7: Seven Wonders That Will Change Your Life

"I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us."

– Umberto Eco

"'There’s no shame in fear,’ my father told me, ‘what matters is how we face it.'"

– George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings

"I gave my father $100 and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother."

– Rita Rudner

"Learn something well so you can always make a living."

– Sherwood Anderson

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person; he believed in me."

– Jim Valvano

"My dad used to say that living with regrets was like driving a car that only moved in reverse."

– Jodi Picoult

"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

– Clarence Budington Kelland

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

– Mark Twain

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