19 Funny Quotes About Being Drunk

“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”

-Ernest Hemingway

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“I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.”

-H.L. Mencken

“One should always be drunk. That's all that matters...But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk.”

-Charles Baudelaire

“I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone.”

-Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Slaughterhouse-Five

“Sit, be still, and listen, because you're drunk and we're at the edge of the roof.”


“There ain't no devil, only God when he's drunk.”

-Tom Waits

"'What's so unpleasant about being drunk?' 'Ask a glass of water!'"

-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“As far as I'm concerned the only thing to do is sit in a room and get drunk”

-Jack Kerouac

“I was weeping again, drunk on the impossible past.”

-Vladimir Nabokov

“If television's a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won't shut up.”

-Dorothy Gambrell, Cat and Girl Volume I

“The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.”

-William Butler Yeats

“I have drunken deep of joy, And I will taste no other wine tonight.”

-Percy Bysshe Shelley

“The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.”

-Henry Miller

“I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.”

-Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker

“...in that drunken place you would like to hand your heart to her and say touch it but then give it back.”

-Charles Bukowski, The People Look Like Flowers at Last

“Drink wine. This is life eternal. This is all that youth will give you. It is the season for wine, roses and drunken friends. Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.”

-Omar Khayyam

“Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.”


“At any rate, let us love for a while, for a year or so, you and me. That's a form of divine drunkenness that we can all try."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

“I refuse to believe that Hendrix had the last possessed hand, that Joplin had the last drunken throat, that Morrison had the last enlightened mind.”

-Patti Smith

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